Dating a Lawyer

by Josh Camson on February 14, 2010

This Valentine’s Day, Avvo is doing its best to help non-lawyers find a nice lawyer to settle down with. This post offers ten tips for landing and keeping the lawyer of your dreams. For example:

#6 Make love notes long and confusing

Brevity and clarity make lawyers feel uncomfortable and agitated, much like normal people feel at the DMV. For example, don’t say, “Let’s head back home early for some fun.” Instead say, “Let’s return early to the domicile for some malfeasance.”

#8 Always cite sources

When in doubt, point to scientific studies, real or imagined. For example, instead of saying you “feel” that fried Twinkies should be illegal, say they’ve been associated with stroke and suicidal ideation. Your lawyer lover may chastise you for sloppy research later, but will respect your appeal to authority.